Mum anxiety

I remember the exact feeling I had walking up to the hospital doors to get checked out. It was one of, this will never happen. My belly has got progressively bigger for 9 months and ill be in a bit of pain and then go home. Even though I really wanted to believe it, I truly never thought we would leave that hospital with a baby. I couldn't imagine someone being reliant upon me.

When I had the emergency c-section, I was so exhausted from pushing and being in labour for 2 days that I was delirious without the drugs! I remember being thankful that Gavin held her first, I was so worried that she would cry and that I wouldn't know what to do. Gav held her to my face so I could see her and she was beautiful and the fear hit me. After a while we were wheeled through to the recovery room and I don't remember but Gav says I asked "How do I hold her?". Everything was truly frightening. I was so scared of doing something wrong and being looked at funny. I spent the week in hospital worried about how I was breastfeeding her. She was putting on weight, but I found it really nerve-wracking to have a midwife check how I was doing it so often, even though I knew it was to provide help. 

Sophia's 4 month update!

Once again I am astounded how quickly this time has passed. This month is the best month I say once again. Her little personality is shining and we love her more than I can write into words. My hiatus from blogging has come because I wasn't enjoying it in the same way and I was pressuring myself to keep up to something that wasn't helping my family with income or happiness by the end. I decided to take a break until it was something I wanted to do again. I needed to find a balance in my home life and this included silly things like the ironing and cooking and cleaning and getting to grips with a teething baby. Right now feels like a good time to continue and although I would like to carry on I won't be pushing myself to do something that shouldn't be a chore. 

Sleep: Soph is sleeping from 7pm to 5-30Am on average. She has around 4 naps a day which I put her down for when she's showing the signs. 

Sophia's first two teeth and our journey

Sophia now has her first two teeth! I decided to do a post including the photo's I had taken after having a good response on Instagram. The thing is as a obsessive crazy mum, in the months of drooling I checked Google over and over for photos of teething gums. There really isn't much to look at at all. The same good photos are used over and over and they really didn't help me. They were mostly here is the tooth just popping through and here is the tooth.

The reason I was so crazy was I didn't want to give her any medication if the teeth weren't actually coming through. I didn't want to keep filling her with meds for a long period of time. In fact she was pretty unhappy and screamy for a few weeks before I started the photos and we didn't give her anything because her gums only looked and felt swollen nothing more. 

Sophia's 3 month update!

Every month I find myself writing the same thing, but last month again was better than the one before. Spending every day with her is such a privilege and I feel so lucky to be her mum. For the past week I've really let go of blogging. I don't know if it's the warmth that I've been trying to enjoy! The fact that I've been trying to get onto of daily chores myself now, reading on a nighttime or just becoming lazy. But knowing that I still needed to write this really pushed me to start again. I can't wait to read  all these back next year! I have also found it harder to keep going with instagram but the pictures I have already since her birth are amazing and i'm so glad that I have them, sometimes I just need a reminder on how important they really are too me.

Sophia's birth story part 2

So now we are to the morning of the 26th of March. It's about 4am and I've decided I need to wake Gavin up, I just can't cope alone anymore. I have a bit of a cry, need a cuddle and lay there, I think it was around 6am when gav decided to ring the hospital again, the midwife refused to talk to him only me, I said my contractions were still irregular but I was in quite a bit more pain and I couldn't sleep through the contractions. She again said I could go in but seeing as my contractions weren't regular I wouldn't be ready and I would be sent home, she suggested codeine and paracetamol. I came off the phone deflated and upset, I knew the pain had increased but it felt as though there was no end to it. My contractions were no different to 24 hours ago timing wise. To be honest this day is so much of a blur. I spent the day in and out of the bath, looking like a prune! Gav kept making me eat little bits where he could I remember chocolate and ice pops and a KFC!